Untitled

By V. O.

We spend countless hours and days and weeks building our lives
settling into zones of comfort, piling and hoarding whatever we deem worthy of keeping around
we keep searching for new ways to commemorate ourselves
what we believe in, who we meet and who we revere -
put em all on a shelf, trophy friends, trophy connections
monuments in our own petty realms that we think are mighty empires

Empires of dirt, that's all they are as we sit in our cozy rooms with pictures and trinkets and tapestries and you name it
our anchors that make us feel as if we've accomplished something
"look at all of this! Aren't I great? I did this and that and that and i have all this worthless SHIT to back it up
now let me sit back and reminisce about how great I am
let me get comfortable and attempt to fulfill my innermost yearnings and desires through these photographs and souvenirs of faraway places I've never been to
leave me in peace as I rot away in this sarcophagus, buried forever with treasures that are valuable to me and no one else"

Enough! Put me back in motion! Unground me, raise the anchors - don't throw them away, but just get them off the ground
If only for a night or for an eternity, set me free, allow me to break from this tomb of mundanity that kills even the most wondrous magic if you allow it to settle in long enough
cut the ties, break the ropes, allow me to burst out of this confinement so I can make speed my new essence

relentless motion, that of Hermes, it doesn't matter where I'm going as my right hand is on the steering wheel, my foot on the gas pedal, my left hand is sticking out of the window as it plays with the cool breeze of the city night
my eyes are looking forward, past the hurricane of lights and signs and all sorts of flashing and blinking and moving contraptions that roam the streets
my mind is on anything but the destination

I spent way too much time trying to organize this world into one unified pattern
trying to rationalize and institutionalize and assign meaning to every little thing that's happening
but as I look around, free from my grave of meticulous reason, I understand what a fool I've been as chaos is king tonight

when chaos assaulted my fortress of reason for the first time, I was shaken to the foundations
I had no idea where to place myself as my structured plans failed when my schemes and connections and motives twisted themselves into a tight knot that, to my horror, was tied around my own neck
and strangled me as a vicious being that took on its own life
and as I speed down this road I'm hacking at this treacherous snake with a sword
a battle axe, a pocket blade and a butter knife
any sharp object that will get this noose off my neck
so it does not hold me back as I allow chaos to point the direction\this primary essence, the stuff that gives birth to everything structured and, in the end, claims it back

Jamie Madrox was right - many do think that it's better to die than to grow old in this world that's grown too cold
no, I don't intend to die, this is no blaze of glory since I intend to wake up tomorrow with a new direction that I fished out of this chaos
and if I fall, it will only be a possible consequence of my action, not a desired one but one that I must not disregard
It's a gamble, my chips are on the table and a loss could take me out of the game but a win may return my bet tenfold
Fort Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn
graffiti on 57th street, six feet above the roof of an Indian grocery store
proclaims, "take mad risks"

I am not reckless, I'm often held back by my own anxiety and fears but I must take mad risks if I am to proceed on my path
so if my car rolls over and falls into a grimy factory ditch, I will climb right out and rise like the phoenix
a different man, a product of my destruction, an altered being that will crawl right back out of the ditch
and run headfirst into any new endeavor as if I didn't learn a thing
but I know better than disregarding my lessons because experience is the best tutor
though nobody charges higher rates than he

and if I don't crawl out of that ditch, a twisted and bloody mess brought down by my own carelessness
then at least I died right there and then, my neck snapped my protruding metal
but not by the noose that I weaved from my fears, insecurities and anxieties
the snake didn't get me, that bastard coils and hisses, spitting venom in my direction
but missing me as I lay there, bloody and mangled and laughing because I died in a flash
died from a rouge Russian Roulette bullet and not from the slow and painful cancer
that withers me away as I lock myself in that coffin of inaction and reminiscence
I'm prepared for it, I took the highway and I'm ready to pay the goddamn toll
but I intend to succeed, come out as a victor or whatever entity I emerge as from this madness
you can come in for the ride, and if not, step out of my way as I speed into the night
bring it on